Frank, appreciate the grin.
Showing posts with label Hilarity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hilarity. Show all posts
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Why Bush did not Win the Nobel Peace Prize...
That is the subject header of an e-mail that I received this morning. Favorite line (and will be for days)... "Why don't you go wash your mouth out with a revolver?"
Thanks Frank.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Change
Thanks Frank.
Change Change Change!!!!!!!!!!
Not long ago I read a joke ... It said all the politicians running for president are promising change to the American people.
We send them billions and billions of tax dollars and they send us the change. Funny? Not really; there is too much truth in it to be funny. That got me to thinking ... They all promise change. How about if they run on a promise of restoration rather than change. A restoration that would take us back in time to a place where things ran better, smoother and life was more enjoyable. Change? That, in truth, is what they have been giving us all along.
We used to have a strong dollar ... Politicians changed that.
Life used to be sacred ... Politicians changed that.
Marriage used to be sacred ... Politicians are changing that.
We used to be respected around the world ... Politicians changed that.
We used to have a strong manufacturing economy ... Politicians changed that.
We used to have lower tax structures ... Politicians changed that.
We used to enjoy more freedoms ... Politicians changed that.
We used to be a large exporter of American made goods ... Politicians changed that.
We used to be an openly Christian nation .... Politicians changed that.
We used to teach patriotism in schools ... Politicians changed that.
We used to educate children in schools ... Politicians changed that.
We used to enjoy freedom of speech ... Politicians changed that.
We used to enforce LEGAL citizenship ... Politicians changed that.
We used to have affordable food & gas prices ... Politicians changed that, too... and one could go on and on with this list.
What hasn't been changed, politicians are promising to change that as well if you will elect them.
When, oh when, is America going to sit back with open eyes and look at what we once were and where we have come and say, enough is enough?
The trouble is, America 's youthful voters today don't know of the great America that existed forty and fifty years ago. They see the world as if it has always existed, as it is now. When will we wake up? Tomorrow may be too late.
When will America realize .... Politicians are what is wrong with America?
Change Change Change!!!!!!!!!!
Not long ago I read a joke ... It said all the politicians running for president are promising change to the American people.
We send them billions and billions of tax dollars and they send us the change. Funny? Not really; there is too much truth in it to be funny. That got me to thinking ... They all promise change. How about if they run on a promise of restoration rather than change. A restoration that would take us back in time to a place where things ran better, smoother and life was more enjoyable. Change? That, in truth, is what they have been giving us all along.
We used to have a strong dollar ... Politicians changed that.
Life used to be sacred ... Politicians changed that.
Marriage used to be sacred ... Politicians are changing that.
We used to be respected around the world ... Politicians changed that.
We used to have a strong manufacturing economy ... Politicians changed that.
We used to have lower tax structures ... Politicians changed that.
We used to enjoy more freedoms ... Politicians changed that.
We used to be a large exporter of American made goods ... Politicians changed that.
We used to be an openly Christian nation .... Politicians changed that.
We used to teach patriotism in schools ... Politicians changed that.
We used to educate children in schools ... Politicians changed that.
We used to enjoy freedom of speech ... Politicians changed that.
We used to enforce LEGAL citizenship ... Politicians changed that.
We used to have affordable food & gas prices ... Politicians changed that, too... and one could go on and on with this list.
What hasn't been changed, politicians are promising to change that as well if you will elect them.
When, oh when, is America going to sit back with open eyes and look at what we once were and where we have come and say, enough is enough?
The trouble is, America 's youthful voters today don't know of the great America that existed forty and fifty years ago. They see the world as if it has always existed, as it is now. When will we wake up? Tomorrow may be too late.
When will America realize .... Politicians are what is wrong with America?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Impossible Things To Say...
when drunk... Thanks Patti
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Smile
Got this in an e-mail today. Thanks Tom.
Robbie Knievel is at it again.
FREE TICKETS
Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) has an event at the Ford Center this weekend in Beaumont, Texas. He's going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a bulldozer.
I have 4 extra tickets if anybody wants them. Should be a good time.
Robbie Knievel is at it again.
FREE TICKETS
Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) has an event at the Ford Center this weekend in Beaumont, Texas. He's going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a bulldozer.
I have 4 extra tickets if anybody wants them. Should be a good time.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Maobama
I heard that on the SIRIUS this morning and about fell down... hard to do when you are driving. ;) It fits all too well. Say it with me just one time... MaoBama
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
One Last Request
Received this today via e-mail and got a grin out of it. Thanks Tom.
Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough U.S. Marine Corporal were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.
Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'
Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.
Gibson was satisfied.
Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.
He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'
The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?
'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.
'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'
'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled out a 9 mm pistol hidden from inside his Recon cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his Ka-bar knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'
'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor....?'
Semper Fi!
Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough U.S. Marine Corporal were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.
Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'
Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.
Gibson was satisfied.
Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.
He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'
The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?
'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.
'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'
'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled out a 9 mm pistol hidden from inside his Recon cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his Ka-bar knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'
'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor....?'
Semper Fi!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I was done for the day until...
I read the following over at The Michael Bane Blog in the Ann Coulter on Gun Control post. There is a bushel basket full of material worthy of quotation marks in this post, but the following is priceless...
"Gun-toting Americans are clearly more self-sufficient than the sissy Europeans. This is great news for everyone except Barney Frank, who's always secretly wondered what it would be like to be taken by a Somali pirate."
I haven't laughed that hard in days.
"Gun-toting Americans are clearly more self-sufficient than the sissy Europeans. This is great news for everyone except Barney Frank, who's always secretly wondered what it would be like to be taken by a Somali pirate."
I haven't laughed that hard in days.
Firearm Salesman of the Year
I received this gem via e-mail from a number of my friends. This is hilarious, and all too true... thanks all. ;)Friday, March 27, 2009
How to make yourself feel old
when you are not quite yet there (by my standard anyway).
Ride down the road listening to some music on Sirius from around the early collegiate days and think, I am four days from my fourth decade.
No, wait a minute, I am four days from COMPLETING my fourth decade and fixin' to start my fifth. I may leave early today and start an entirely different kind of fifth. ;)
Ride down the road listening to some music on Sirius from around the early collegiate days and think, I am four days from my fourth decade.
No, wait a minute, I am four days from COMPLETING my fourth decade and fixin' to start my fifth. I may leave early today and start an entirely different kind of fifth. ;)
How to make yourself feel old
when you are not quite yet there (by my standard anyway).
Ride down the road listening to some music on Sirius from around the early collegiate days and think, I am four days from my fourth decade.
No, wait a minute, I am four days from COMPLETING my fourth decade and fixin' to start my fifth. I may leave early today and start an entirely different kind of fifth. ;)
Ride down the road listening to some music on Sirius from around the early collegiate days and think, I am four days from my fourth decade.
No, wait a minute, I am four days from COMPLETING my fourth decade and fixin' to start my fifth. I may leave early today and start an entirely different kind of fifth. ;)
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